It’s that season again.

The season when the species known as “Mothers of Freshmen” begin to cry.  I have been coaching my aerobics instructor, Lisa, through the past few months as her daughter begins her transition to college.  High school graduation, how much allowance she needs at school, how to make it through college drop-off, how long the sadness will last.

I remember dropping my baby off at college as clearly as if it happened yesterday (and she’s 22 now).

Her dorm room was tiny. Two people were going to live in a space that was significantly smaller than the room she’d had at home.

Motherly worries were everywhere and my Inner Piglet was running wild…lofted beds (what if someone fell off), a closet the size of a shoebox (how’s all the stuff going to fit in there?), a co-ed dorm (couldn’t even go there), etc. etc.

I cried all the way home.  And for the better part of the next 3 weeks.  Everything set me off.  But then, almost magically, it stopped.  I knew she was happy and safe and settled.  And I was only an hour away.  I began to enjoy the peace and quiet and a routine that wasn’t marked by Caroline’s comings and goings.  I could actually use the family room my husband and I had affectionately named “Camp Caroline”.

Lisa asked me what was the biggest hurdle was for me about this transition.  I had never really given it a lot of thought, but here’s my answer.

Heading off to college marks the beginning of a new chapter.  A chapter that means a new relationship with your child, punctuated with independence and adult responsibilities.  The chapter in life’s book where the “Mommy” character finally sees her 18-year investment pay off.  I realized that my daughter was really leaving home and how much I would miss her despite all the mess and occasional squabbles.

But even though they’re gone, they still need us…even if they won’t admit it.  I can’t ever remember a time where I felt like it was more important to keep the lines of communication open.  You may not hear from your child very often at first as they test their independence, but gradually a routine develops that feels more normal.

So for Lisa and all of the other MOFs reading this, here are my top 5 transition survival tips:

• Listen.
• Say no occasionally.  My “no’s” were generally around requests for more money.  I knew I was providing enough money to meet my daughter’s basic needs.  It was up to her to learn how to budget it.  It’s impossible to learn this skill with a parental cash machine in the background!
• Give your opinion when asked.  Otherwise, see #1.
• Let them take the lead on frequency of communication.  This was the advice given to parents in freshman orientation…and it served my daughter and me well, although it was hard for me at first.
• Get back in touch with yourself.  Most of us spend the majority of our time focused on our children during the time they are at home.  The college transition offers us a chance to get to know ourselves (and our partners) all over again.  Take advantage of this!

Welcome to the next chapter…and enjoy it!